Can Toon dig themselves out? January 14 2008
The news that Sam Allardyce had left Newcastle by 'mutual consent' came as no surprise to anyone even faintly familiar with the club's history, although it did seem to catch Big Sam himself completely off guard. Could he have forgotten that he had given his consent?
I imagine Mike Ashley offhandedly asking Allardyce to sign a few papers, purely for admin reasons of course, and buried amongst the orders for extra liniment, batteries for the ProZone computer and accounts for bulk-buy Shiatzu massages, an innocuous looking almost blank page with 'consent' printed in letters only visible under an electron microscope.
The term has become a face saving device. It is odd however, that clubs use it to protect the good names of managers they decide to rid themselves of - just another instance of how far football has removed itself from the real world.
So whereto now for Newcastle? They offered Harry Redknapp the job, only to be turned down. Unconfirmed but reliable reports are filtering out that the sticking point was Redknapp's refusal to relocate to Newcastle, preferring to commute instead.
One can just imagine how well this would have gone down with the Geordie masses. "Yes I'll certainly take the salary, I love the club. I just refuse to live in your city as, uhm, well, the five hour journey either way from Portsmouth will keep me sharp and focussed."
Oh no, they'd see right through that in a flash. So the club has shifted their amorous attention to Mark Hughes. While there can be no doubt that Hughes is a highly capable manager, I feel that the Newcastle job may do no more than derail what is looking like a promising career. Sparky has made no secret of his wish to succeed Sir Alex Ferguson at Manchester United, should the Scotsman ever decide to call it a day.
The Toon job seems like the perfect stepping stone to that, after all, Blackburn are tiny compared to Newcastle. The problem is, as big a boost as a successful stint there will be, failure will set him back immeasurably.
History shows that the poisonous concoction of impossible fan expectations, brutal media scrutiny and what seems to be an ancient druidic curse against player fitness will conspire to destroy any man hubristic enough to believe that he can turn around Newcastle's fortunes.
On the flipside, for a club with such huge ambitions, is employing a manager who is largely unproven a good idea?
Now throw in the Alan Shearer factor and any possible candidate may as well give his mutual consent now.
The Toon hero's shadow will hang over the club, against all reason or logic, until the day he consents to take the job. They may be better off giving it to him now and getting relegated in the process. This may disabuse the masses of Toon fans of the delusion that Shearer will be their Messiah, leading them out of the Desert of No Trophys into the promised land of top four finishes and no more sniggering from the rest of the world.
Make no mistake, Shearer will fail. If his Match of the Day appearances are anything to go by, Wor Alan has the motivational qualities of a pair of rusty shackles coupled to the charisma of a soggy Haggis. His tactics will consist almost entirely of telling his striker to 'get those elbows up laddie, they can't defend if they're bleeding'.
Perhaps Newcaste deserve the unmitigated disaster that a Shearer regime will bring, if only in order to lower expectations and teach them that patience is neccessary for success.
The fans will have to be patient, a quality they have never shown the least inclination to exhibit, as whoever they decide to bring in will need more than three months to rebuild a squad that has the 'Ready For Demolition' posters firmly in place.
It seems a bit strange that no-one has mentioned Jose Mourinho as a strong candidate. As Avram Grant is showing, anyone can manage Chelsea successfully so a successful stint at Newcastle may serve to justify or destroy the Special One's monstrous ego. After all, this is a real challenge.
Whatever happens, the next few months will provide some excellent entertainment for the neutral, and hopefully more good laughs. I for one am hoping for Shearer, if only for the joys to be had as he somnambulantly mutters his way through a post-match interview in the wake of another 6-0 loss.
Justin Zehmke